It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
