I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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