Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
