you win again, gameday.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize