wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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