C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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