The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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