I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
