You just made me feel so damn special
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My vagina is officially offended.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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