There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
