I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
