i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
