So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
