How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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