should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
