We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
