last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
