i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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