we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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