I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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