As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I deserve this hangover.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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