shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
