Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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