She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
