I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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