Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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