There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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