my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
