I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
