Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
