I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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