the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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