I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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