I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
