on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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