It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
