Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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