Your face is a jimmy john
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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