Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
