i permit you to call me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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