pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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