So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize