He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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