I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
