How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
