dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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