I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
