Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
