o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
