I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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