I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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