Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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