I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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