How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
