On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
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Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize