No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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