Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
