I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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