So drunk, too bad you don't want this
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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