Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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